(With apologies to Samuel Longhorne Clemens)
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, and here at TaxCoach
all the taxpayers loved our proactive approach
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
in hopes that more strategies soon would be there
The clients were nestled all snug in their beds
while visions of tax savings danced in their heads
And Ed in his kerchief and Keith in his cap had just settled down
(in their separate and respective offices)
for a long winter nap
When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
Ed sprang from the “tax couch” to see what was the matter
Away to the window he flew like a bee,
knocked over the laptop and seasonal tree
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below;
When, what to his jaded eyes should appear,
But a recaptured sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
he knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than refunds his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
“Now! Cost-Seg, now! S-corp, now! Roth IRA,
“Gift-leaseback! Self-rental! now 401k!;
“To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
“Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
As tax cheats before the grim auditors fly,
When they meet with subpoenas, mount to the sky;
So up to the office the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of loopholes — and Santa Claus too:
And then in a twinkling, Ed heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As he drew in his head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound:
He was dress’d all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And even his ten-key was covered with soot;
A briefcase of papers held tight in his hand,
Full of words that your clients just don’t understand:
His eyes — how they twinkled! His dimples: how merry,
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry;
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
As if daring the Tax Court to try and say “no”;
The stump of a pen he held tight in his teeth,
And a register tape wrapped his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face, and a little round belly
(He writes off his breakfasts with honey and jelly!:
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And Ed laugh’d when he saw him in spite of himself;
A wink of his eye and a “no change” letter
Soon let Ed know he could start feeling better.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
fill’d Ed and Keith’s stockings; then turn’d with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a yell,
And away they all flew, like a bat outta hell:
But Ed heard him exclaim, as his sled left the earth —
“Happy Savings to all, and charge what you’re worth!“.